Positive parenting rejects traditional punishments in favor of an approach based on cooperation and mutual respect. But without punishments, how can parents teach their children about the consequences of their actions? After all, society is governed by a set of rules enforced by laws to ensure peaceful group living, and when those rules are broken, consequences follow.

Here are 7 examples of positive discipline:

1. Natural Consequences
• Jane Nelsen (Positive Discipline): Nelsen advocates for the use of natural consequences, where the child experiences the natural results of their behavior. For example, if a child refuses to wear a coat in cold weather, they will feel the cold as a natural consequence, which may prompt them to make a different choice next time.
2. Logical Consequences
• Alfie Kohn (Unconditional Parenting): Kohn critiques traditional punishments and suggests logical consequences, where the consequence is directly related to the behavior. For instance, if a child draws on the walls, a logical consequence would be to have them clean the wall.
3. Restitution
• Barbara Coloroso (Kids Are Worth It!): Coloroso suggests replacing punishments with restitution, where the child must repair the harm they have caused. For example, if a child accidentally breaks something, they can participate in fixing it or save money to replace it.
4. Time for Reflection
• Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson (The Whole-Brain Child): These authors propose the idea of "time for reflection" rather than a punitive "time-out." The child is encouraged to reflect on their behavior, understand what they felt, and discuss better ways to handle similar situations in the future.
5. Making Amends
• Catherine Gueguen (Pour une enfance heureuse): Gueguen suggests that when a child has hurt someone (physically or emotionally), it is important to encourage them to make sincere amends, such as apologizing and trying to repair the relationship with the person who was hurt.
6. Withdrawal of Privileges
• Lawrence J. Cohen (Playful Parenting): Cohen recommends temporarily withdrawing privileges related to the problematic behavior, but always in connection with the behavior itself. For example, if a child doesn’t follow the rules regarding screen time, their screen time might be reduced until they demonstrate better management.
7. Dialogue and Problem-Solving
• Ross W. Greene (The Explosive Child): Greene proposes a collaborative approach to problem-solving. Instead of punishing, he advocates discussing the behavior with the child to understand the reasons behind it and collaborating to find a solution that meets everyone’s needs.

These methods help the child understand the responsibility for their choices. But are these alternatives always perceived as fair by the child, or could they be seen as disguised punishments?

It’s also important to consider the effectiveness of these alternatives. Parents must ask themselves: Is the child truly learning from these methods, or are they just feeling frustrated? Striking a balance between reinforcing responsibility and encouraging reflection is crucial. This ongoing reflection is necessary to ensure that alternatives to punishment genuinely support the child's moral and emotional development.

References:

• Nelsen, Jane. Positive Discipline. Ballantine Books, 1981.
• Kohn, Alfie. Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason. Atria Books, 2005.
• Coloroso, Barbara. Kids Are Worth It!: Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline. HarperCollins, 1995.
• Siegel, Daniel J., & Bryson, Tina Payne. The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind. Delacorte Press, 2011.
• Gueguen, Catherine. Pour une enfance heureuse: Repenser l’éducation à la lumière des dernières découvertes sur le cerveau. Robert Laffont, 2015.
• Cohen, Lawrence J. Playful Parenting. Ballantine Books, 2001.
• Greene, Ross W. The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children. HarperCollins, 1998.