Positive parenting offers an approach based on understanding and empathy rather than repression to manage children's tantrums. But how can these principles be applied in situations where a child's emotions seem uncontrollable? Often, these approaches are filled with kindness and beautiful principles, but in the moment, they can be challenging to implement.

It might be necessary to give time for this new process of managing tantrums to work. Initially, it may be essential to de-escalate the situation, and staying calm can be a solution to avoid further escalation. Then, attempting to reintroduce dialogue by asking the child to calm down so they can explain themselves might also be a way to relieve the tension.

Tantrums often occur in response to frustration, injustice, aggression, or unmet needs. Daniel Siegel, in his book The Whole-Brain Child, recommends the "name it to tame it" technique, where the parent verbalizes the child's emotions. For example, saying, "I see you're really angry because you can't have that toy" helps the child feel understood, which can reduce the intensity of their anger. This might be a first step before asking them to explain themselves.

However, this method requires a great deal of patience and self-control, especially when dealing with fatigue and everyday problems, while the tantrum might seem trivial and unimportant to an adult. Parents can ask themselves: "What is my child trying to tell me through this tantrum?" and view these moments not as problems but as opportunities to strengthen the parent-child bond. It might also be helpful to put the problem into perspective—the child may not realize that the source of their frustration is a luxury they've grown accustomed to and is neither essential nor necessary. A conversation about primary needs and teaching them to put things into perspective could be a solution. You may remember your grandmothers telling you to finish your soup because other children in the world had nothing to eat? The child lives in a microcosm between family and school, with little to no awareness of global realities, and even if they are aware, they won't think about it in the moment because they are dealing with emotions tied to their instinct for survival and natural selfishness. Opening their mind, helping them to contextualize and rationalize their desires, frustrations, or whims might be an approach with multiple benefits.

This positive approach requires continuous reflection on the child's emotions and how the parent can respond constructively. It demands energy and persistence, especially when it might feel like it's not working or making any difference. As with any change, time is needed to see the effects, and sometimes they are minimal.

Sources:

• Siegel, Daniel J., & Bryson, Tina Payne. The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind. Delacorte Press, 2011.
• Markham, Laura. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. TarcherPerigee, 2012.
• Dolto, Françoise. Parler vrai aux enfants. Le Seuil, 2003.