Ah, personal development, that vast ocean where everyone can navigate in search of the best version of themselves in a world where anything is possible and where everyone wants the best for you. I invite you to quickly browse my basic article on personal development: “Personal Development: The World of Well-Being, Right Thinking, and Right Doing.”

But behind these benevolent advice, evocative quotes, snippets of thoughts, theories, life manuals, and omniscient coaches or influencers, is there not a tendency to dictate how others should conduct their lives? It’s a question worth exploring.

The origin of the human tendency to dictate others' conduct is rooted in a logic of domination and operates through deeply ingrained psychological mechanisms from our social evolution. Humans, as a social species, have always lived in groups where survival depended on cohesion and order. In these contexts, the need to maintain a stable social structure naturally led some individuals to take on leadership roles, establishing rules and norms to guide group behavior. This dynamic has been reinforced by other psychological mechanisms such as conformity, where individuals are encouraged to conform to group expectations to avoid exclusion, and the need for control, where dictating others' conduct helps reduce uncertainty and enhance personal security. Furthermore, the tendency to project one's own values and beliefs onto others, a phenomenon known as egocentric bias, pushes individuals to believe that their view of the world is not only correct but should be adopted by everyone. These combined mechanisms contribute to a behavior where individuals, often unconsciously, seek to influence or direct others' conduct to create a more predictable environment aligned with their own values. However, when it comes to developing a service business in the personal development world and the desire to grow an online presence and increase followers to ensure revenue, the mechanism at work is more conscious. It is also linked to the desire to appear as a "knower" and to build an authoritative figure with a target audience.

A Guide to the Light... or a Well-Being Dictatorship?

Personal development often presents itself as a beacon in the night, a light guiding lost individuals toward the shores of fulfillment and self-awareness. Who could resist the promises of happiness, success, and serenity? Yet, upon closer inspection, the discourse underlying this quest for betterment sometimes resembles a manual of conduct, where every behavior is standardized, every step defined, every decision directed.

Books, articles, videos—all overflow with advice on what to do, what not to do, how to do it, why to do it, and most importantly, when to do it. "Wake up at 5 AM," "Eat organic and vegan," "Take cold baths," along with a host of injunctions: "Be resilient," "Be true to yourself," "Be authentic," etc. All sometimes wrapped in zen-like quotes such as, “The path of resilience is strewn with obstacles, but you will find the strength within yourself to overcome them.” And if you fail to follow this quasi-military protocol? Too bad, you will never be that superior version of yourself promised at the end of chapter three, and you’ll need to sign up for the VIP training to finally get there. It's well-oiled, always the same system. The worst part is that in the ambient noise, it might be the only remedy.

The Modern Guru: A Sage or a Despot?

The life coach, now an unavoidable figure, often positions themselves as a guide, a mentor. Attentive, they reassure you, accompany you, show you the way… which, of course, is their way. And so, they explain how to flourish out of any context, without knowing your personality, in a generalized way, as if life were just an equation to be solved, the same for everyone, with happiness as the sole and universal solution. Yet studies from Harvard have identified two common points to happiness that almost no one talks about: having a goal and feeling like you are making progress toward achieving it, which I have already discussed in my books. It is the only scientific data available on the subject to my knowledge.

Is there not something slightly despotic about this approach? A soft dictatorship, certainly, but a dictatorship nonetheless. By constantly repeating that meditation is essential, that positive thinking is the key to all success, doesn’t it end up imposing a standard of conduct, a single model of a successful life? Only one way of doing things right?

Free Will Put to the Test

What’s paradoxical is that personal development often presents itself as a celebration of free will, individual freedom, critical thinking even, and autonomy. You are encouraged to be yourself, to follow your own path, all while being given a list of directives that must be followed to achieve it. It's a bit like being told: "Be happy! But above all, be happy as I see fit."

If it were said to you that way, I’m sure it wouldn’t have the same effect.

Free will, in this context, becomes a mirage. Because in reality, what is offered is a series of well-framed choices, validated by so-called well-being experts.

The Tyranny of the Best Version of Yourself

The injunction to become a better version of yourself is omnipresent and certainly deserves a paragraph of its own. It is no longer enough to be good, to be intelligent, to be talented, to have values, to be in tune with your emotions—no, you must be better. But better according to whom? According to what? And for what purpose? This relentless quest for self-improvement increasingly resembles a never-ending race, where the finish line moves further away as you approach it.

Because all this is quite unreal, quite subjective.

And if, in the end, this pressure for constant optimization was just another form of social control, disguised as a personal quest? A way to normalize behaviors, to smooth out individualities in the name of standardized well-being.

Perhaps it is time to question this obsession with personal development as it is currently proposed. To reintegrate the human being in all their diversity of thought and approaches, shaped by their upbringing and natural evaluation, rather than being dictated by preformatted and generalized life manuals. Why not rediscover the pleasure of the very nature of being human, with all its inconsistencies, however irritating they may be to others, its imperfections, its trial and error? Well-being may not be a destination to be reached, but a path to be traced by oneself, a life goal defined by each individual, with its detours, its pauses, and, why not, its missteps.

And perhaps true wisdom lies in accepting who we are, here and now, without striving at all costs to become someone else? After all, life is short enough not to waste time following others' injunctions, even those that claim to have our best interests at heart, leading us to happiness.