Gifted children and high IQ often receive special attention from their parents, sometimes from their teachers, and conceptually from the educational system as a whole. This attention is often motivated by a sincere desire to encourage and nurture these children's exceptional potential, which in some ways contradicts the logic of equal opportunities promoted by national education policies. These policies aim not to favor anyone, yet also clash with common notions and biases about giftedness circulating in teacher rooms across France and beyond, biases that persist due to the lack of adequate training on the subject. I refer you here to the dedicated article on the Vademecum.

Parents are therefore concerned that their children receive support aligned with their abilities and that the system adapts to their capacity and thirst for knowledge or discovery, just as it does for students facing difficulties, whatever their nature. This educational and social context affects parents, who may have higher expectations, tempted as they are to "raise the level." However, this is not limited to parents of gifted or advantaged children; when these expectations are excessive or misguided, they can have negative repercussions on the child's development.

This article attempts to thoroughly and comprehensively address the impact of parental expectations on gifted and other children, drawing on a wide range of academic research, psychological and social theories, as well as empirical research—a topic inspired by reading Léa Dousson's thesis on the socialization of children with high intellectual potential (HPI). Dousson's work provides a social perspective on giftedness that raises certain questions, though I believe it does not address the issue comprehensively. The narrow focus on the social construction of an individual is insufficient and fails to account for the multiple current understandings of the subject. We will therefore explore how parental expectations influence the motivation, emotional well-being, social relationships, and academic success of gifted children.

I. The Nature of Parental Expectations: Between Support and Pressure

A. Parental Expectations: A Double-Edged Sword

Parents of gifted children, aware of their children's current and potential abilities, often have high expectations regarding their academic performance and overall development, especially as much of the popular literature warns them about the challenges their children may face. These expectations manifest in various ways: a desire to see the child excel in all school subjects, insistence on participation in enriching extracurricular activities, or anticipation of future achievements. Léa Dousson notes in her thesis that these expectations, while motivated by love and concern for the child's well-being, can sometimes exceed the child's actual capabilities, creating a gap between what parents want and what the child can realistically achieve. But isn't this common among all parents from affluent or educated backgrounds, regardless of the child's defined level of intelligence?

On the one hand, parental expectations can be a source of motivation for the child, encouraging them to fully develop their abilities. Miraca Gross, in her book Exceptionally Gifted Children (2004), shows that reasonable expectations and adequate support can help gifted children reach their full potential. However, when these expectations become unrealistic (I refer you here to Didier Pleux's work for a deeper exploration of what makes an expectation "unrealistic") or overly demanding, they can have the opposite effect, leading to stress, anxiety, and even an aversion to activities, including schoolwork, that were once sources of pleasure—though they may not be the sole cause, of course.

B. Cultural and Social Differences in Parental Expectations

It is also important to note that parental expectations vary significantly depending on cultural and social contexts. In some environments, the emphasis is on academic success as a means of social mobility, while in others, emotional well-being and personal fulfillment are prioritized. Research shows that in Western societies, middle- and upper-class parents tend to have higher expectations for their gifted children, due to the importance placed on academic excellence and individual achievements【Lareau, 2003】.

Ruby Payne's work on cultural differences in children's education shows that families from disadvantaged backgrounds may have different priorities, focusing more on practical skills and resilience rather than academic achievements【Payne, 2005】. This can influence not only how expectations are formulated but also how children perceive and respond to these expectations, including the stakes and their effects.

II. The Consequences of Excessive Expectations: Between Pressure and Resilience

A. Stress and Anxiety Related to Parental Expectations

When parental expectations are too high, gifted children may feel constant pressure to achieve unattainable levels of performance. This pressure can manifest as a fear of failure, a fear of disappointing their parents, low self-esteem, and in some cases, anxiety-related disorders. Léa Dousson notes that gifted children, due to their often heightened sensitivity, are particularly vulnerable to this form of stress【Dousson, 2022】.

Longitudinal studies by Vialle, Heaven, and Ciarrochi (2007) show that gifted children who perceive their parents' expectations as unrealistic are more likely to develop anxiety disorders and show signs of emotional distress. These children may also feel alienated from their parents, which harms their social and emotional development, and even the parent-child relationship, eroding trust. These studies highlight the importance of clear and compassionate communication between parents and children to ensure that expectations do not become a source of destructive pressure.

B. Resilience in the Face of Parental Expectations

Despite the risks associated with high expectations, some gifted children develop remarkable resilience in the face of parental pressure. Resilience, defined as the ability to overcome challenges and bounce back from difficulties, can be strengthened by adequate parental support and the child's ability to forge their own identity, distinct from parental expectations【Rutter, 1987】.

Research by Gagné and St. Père (2001) suggests that parental support should be tailored to the child's specific needs, taking into account their actual abilities and personal interests. Children who receive appropriate support, combined with a degree of autonomy in pursuing their interests, are more likely to develop resilience skills that will enable them to navigate successfully through high expectations. In short, having one's own goal, an awareness of one's interests, and greater autonomy can be the drivers of personal success—something that happens to align perfectly with the type of support I offer.

III. Parental Expectations and the Social Relationships of Gifted Children

A. Social Isolation and Relationships with Peers

High parental expectations can also impact the nature of socialization and the social relationships of gifted children. In some cases, parents may insist that their children focus on their studies or extracurricular activities at the expense of social interactions with their peers, particularly individual activities. This can lead to social isolation, with gifted children having less time to develop friendships and participate in age-appropriate social activities, which are all the more important for them.

Léa Dousson observes that this social isolation can be exacerbated by the sense of difference that many gifted children feel, a feeling often reinforced by their parents' high expectations. Gifted children may feel out of sync with their peers, making it difficult to form meaningful relationships. This phenomenon is also documented by Cross and Coleman (2005), who note that gifted children often struggle to find peers with whom they can identify or connect due to their interests and abilities.

That said, forming meaningful relationships in the typical sense means staying on the surface, in agreed-upon, normed, and sometimes superficial relationships where friends are switched out as easily as toys, even among children. In contrast, gifted children tend to seek deeper connections, even as young as 6 or 7 years old, when they already begin to notice the difference in their reasoning, beyond academic performance or parental expectations. They may be surprised by the lack of depth, clarity, or the elements considered in their peers' reasoning.

Social isolation cannot be attributed solely to overstimulation or parental expectations—it may exacerbate the issue but cannot be the sole source.

B. Parental Expectations and Socialization Within the Family

Socialization within the family is another area where parental expectations can have a significant impact. Parents of gifted children may have specific expectations regarding their children's social behavior, encouraging them to develop advanced social skills or pushing them to integrate into particular social circles. These expectations can sometimes conflict with the child's personal preferences, leading to tension within the family.

European researchers like Linda Silverman and Hanna David have studied the impact of parental expectations on the socialization of gifted children. Silverman warns against the risk of projecting expectations onto these children that do not align with their intrinsic nature, which can harm both their social development and emotional well-being【Silverman, 2013】. Hanna David, in her work on gifted children in Israel and Europe, also emphasizes that adjusting parental expectations to meet the child's individual needs is crucial for their overall well-being【David, 2015】.

IV. Parental Expectations and Academic Success of Gifted Children

A. Parental Expectations as a Driver of Academic Success

Parental expectations can play a crucial role in the academic success of gifted children. High expectations, combined with adequate support, can motivate children to excel in their studies. However, it is important that these expectations align with the child's actual abilities and take into account their overall well-being. Overstimulation has been widely documented in recent years, and I refer you to that body of work.

Research shows that gifted children who benefit from parental pressure and support are often those who perform best academically. A study by Freeman (2010) shows that gifted children whose parents have high but realistic expectations tend to achieve better academic results than those whose parents have too low or unrealistic expectations. This study underscores the importance of balanced parental support, which encourages excellence without imposing excessive pressure—a balance that also has many other positive consequences, including on family relationships and the child's well-being.

B. The Negative Effects of Excessive Expectations on Academic Performance

However, when parental expectations are too high or unrealistic, they can negatively impact the academic performance of gifted children. Léa Dousson notes that some gifted children, under constant pressure to perform at an exceptional level, may develop an aversion to school or to subjects in which they are expected to excel or find easy.

Another study, by Neihart (2006), reveals that gifted children who feel excessive pressure from their parents are more likely to suffer from academic burnout, a condition characterized by extreme fatigue, loss of motivation, and declining academic performance. These children may also develop avoidance behaviors, such as procrastination or abandoning certain school activities, to escape parental pressure.

The Key: Balancing Support and Expectations

The impact of parental expectations on the development of gifted children is a complex and multifaceted area. On the one hand, high expectations can be a source of motivation and support for these children, helping them realize their potential—because for many parents, this is where everything plays out. After all, what a waste if it weren't so!

It’s not always easy to hear that your child has great potential and then accept that they may do nothing with it, or at least not pursue a career that allows them to fully express themselves. On the other hand, when these expectations become unrealistic or overly demanding, they can lead to stress, anxiety, and social and academic difficulties, even a form of disguised rebellion.

To maximize the benefits of parental expectations while minimizing their risks, studies suggest that parents adopt a balanced approach. This involves setting expectations that align with the child's actual abilities, maintaining open and compassionate communication, and recognizing the importance of the child's emotional and social well-being, along with a healthy attitude toward academic failures. You can find an article on the blog titled "Teaching Resilience in the Face of Academic Failures" for more on this.

In the end, is the role of parents of gifted children only to guide these children toward academic excellence? Isn't the real issue for them, as it is for all other children, to thrive, to do what they truly love and want to do, and to help them develop a balanced identity, emotional resilience, and healthy social relationships?

By adopting a more nuanced and understanding approach to their own expectations, parents can better support their children in their unique and complex journeys. The success they desire shouldn't be projected or imposed but rather something they help their child define—results that will only become visible years later.

References

1. Dousson, Léa. Comment façonne-t-on un "surdoué" ? Analyse de la socialisation à l'œuvre dans les familles d'enfants catégorisés à "haut potentiel intellectuel". Thèse de doctorat, Université Lumière Lyon 2, 2022. URL : https://hal.science/tel-04653863
2. Gross, Miraca U.M. Exceptionally Gifted Children. London: Routledge, 2004.
3. Lareau, Annette. Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race, and Family Life. Berkeley: University of California Press, 2003.
4. Payne, Ruby K. A Framework for Understanding Poverty. Highlands: Aha! Process, Inc., 2005.
5. Vialle, Wilma, Patrick Heaven, and Joseph Ciarrochi. "The Relationship Between Parental Styles and the Development of Psychological Well-Being in Gifted Children." Journal of Advanced Academics 18, no. 2 (2007): 252-271.
6. Gagné, François, and Françoise St. Père. "When Giftedness Meets Social Factors: Towards a General Theory of Talent Development." High Ability Studies 12, no. 2 (2001): 159-177.
7. Rutter, Michael. "Resilience in the Face of Adversity: Protective Factors and Resistance to Psychiatric Disorder." British Journal of Psychiatry 147 (1985): 598-611.
8. Cross, Tracy L., and Laurence J. Coleman. Being Gifted in School: An Introduction to Development, Guidance, and Teaching. Waco: Prufrock Press, 2005.
9. Freeman, Joan. Gifted Lives: What Happens When Gifted Children Grow Up. London: Routledge, 2010.
10. Silverman, Linda K. Giftedness 101. New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2013.
11. David, Hanna. The Gifted Child in Peer Group Perspective. Berlin: LIT Verlag, 2015.
12. Neihart, Maureen. "Gifted Children and Depression." Gifted Education International 22, no. 2 (2006): 148-156.